33reasons mail bag

A question posed by a reader. (Out of respect, names have been changed, but the question has not been altered.)

Good afternoon,
My name is Mark from Florida. I read your Blog and enjoyed it very much. Thank you for writing it. I do have a question that I hope you can answer.
My girlfriend of 3 years with an age of 35 drinks a lot. She drinks when she comes home but not every night. She drinks to the point of passing out when we go out and she becomes very flirty. She also does the white stuff too. (I do not)

The question is this;
Would you trust this person not to cheat when drunk when she is with friends? Do Drunks ALWAYS cheat?

I look forward to hearing from you soon,

Mark





Dear Soul searching in Florida,


Thanks for writing. I think what you're dealing with is a conflict of your own morals. The fact that you're even questioning her fidelity to your relationship is a sign that the way she conducts herself most likely doesn't jive with the way you conduct yourself or feel she should conduct herself. Not to mention, drugs are a sign of major intrapersonal conflict and are most always a pathological environment for those involved. Don't kid yourself, if drugs are involved, you don't want any part of it. I'm sure some younger readers will disagree, but ask them the question when they're older and see what they say then!

Considering I don't know either of you, and there are two sides to every story, I'll instead focus on the things we can control in this situation. That "thing" is you! The most pertinent question one must ask thyself, is "why am I involved in this scenario?" What keeps you in a bad relationship, or in a relationship where you have fear, and in retrospect, brings unhealthy feelings into your life instead of good, healthy ones?

I suspect this ordeal you're going through possibly has more to do with you, than it does her? The answer is never an easy one either. But it's important that we take a step back and look at ourselves, and ask "If I really don't like the way my girlfriend acts and am afraid and not secure, why do I put up with it?" Why don't you find your way out of the pathological relationship, and into a healthy one?

Here is what I would do. Ask yourself some questions about "why" you're in the relationship. Don't be afraid to make a "pro's" and "con's" list. If you can validate you're not filling your own void within the relationship, and love this person. The next step is to talk to them, possibly with professional help as well. In fact, I'd encourage you to reach out and seek professional help in dealing with your feelings. It's a great way to learn about yourself, while learning how to cope with your current situation.

I hope that helps, but having been through this, I learned that although she had a lot of problems, I also had problems. It was my fault for treating myself so poorly and allowing myself to be beat down, instead of only accepting what was in my best interests.

Always remember, nobody can ever make you "feel" anything. Only you have the power to decide how you feel in your heart.

Best of luck!

33reasons

Long time No Blog!

Well.......Hello there. Thanks for hanging in there.

I've finally disseminated and concretely grasp the concept that is "the Internet." After countless tutorials on the likes of YouTube and Justin.TV I'm slowly beginning to understand the powers that lurk not only on the Internet, but just below my calvaria.

With that said, yes. I'm still alive. And no, I'm not dating the alcoholic anymore. Although I'm fielding a number of responses from inquiring minds seeking safe-hold advice on how to escape the grips of ye ole' drunken sailors and wenches of the world.



33reasons mailbag


Hi,

I came online today to look for signs that a person is an alcoholic. I am NOT a drinker and I have been dating this guy for ONE month and I am afraid he has a drinking problem. I confronted him 2 weeks ago (2 weeks into the relationship) and of course he says absolutely not...he does not have "a problem" I have never been around "drunks".....but this guy drinks EVERY nite...vodka and any kind of soda. He has cleaned my kitchen decoration which was 12 bottles of wine that I had around for the last 2 years...to me it was strictly "pretty wine bottles"...he opened one every nite until they were gone. I told him he was no longer welcome to drink my "alcohol" and he brought his own bottle the next nights. In a month I have seen him stagger and slur and throw up 3 times....this is a MAN of 37 years...NOT a 21 year old!!! I like him.....I am attracted to him but already I am losing respect and admiration. I am sure he has a problem and Im not really this stupid that I need to ASK you this question but I am in need of venting and also STRENGTH to end this before I get involved. I want to be straight up and let him know why I need to break up...he needs to know that his problem is costing him good things.....

any advice? words of wisdom or encouragement to ACT now?



Dear Venting from Las Vegas,

First look into, and read about "the drama triangle"(google it.) Realize that anytime you're involved with an alcoholic or any addict for that matter, you're in a losing situation(the drama triangle) no matter which way you slice it. The object is to "get out",(it's actually to, "get the FUCK out," really.) and stay out, ultimately striving to be emotionally healthy.

The underlying tone is that addicts are very selfish and sincerely only care for themselves. They'll ALSO do ALL they can to manipulate people into sticking by their side to shoulder the blow of their addictions. The key component for the non-addicted person in the equation is to recognize what is going on and CHOSE not to participate in their problem. Chose to be a little selfish yourself, in doing so, you'll realize you're NOT REALLY being selfish, but merely taking care of your own emotional heath which SHOULD be your number one priority. For either thyself, or for your kids should you have any. Just "Get the fuck out, and don't look back!"

Best of luck!

33reasons

dating a drunk

well, i guess it's time to tell my story. i'll keep it short and to the point. i was miserable for too many years. it took these photos to realize i had to leave. 33 of them to be exact.

this is my photo journal of my own personal hell. i did it for myself, NOT to get back at my girlfriend at the time. may you never find yourself involved in anything remotely similar to this! if you already are, may god grant you the strength to escape.

please feel free to email me with your thought's: 33reasons2leave@gmail.com

-33reasons